Relationship Contracts
From the newspapers: Researchers are now touting “relationship contracts” as the next prophylaxis against marriage dissolution. These contracts are not legal documents, despite the name, and are designed to help couples map out their expectations for one another in the relationship.
“Thanks to a host of societal influences, sociologists and psychologists have found that our expectations for our romantic partners are higher now than ever before. . . You and your partner can decide what should be addressed [in the relationship contract] and how often to revisit your contract. Catron says think both big and small: from how you expect day-to-day life to go as well as bigger questions like how you define intimacy, or your personal and professional goals. . .It's important to take the time to put your thoughts and feelings onto paper because it allows you to come back to it, says Catron. . . A contract also provides a ‘built-in occasion’ to sit down with your partner and talk about what is and isn't working, without having to feel ‘like you're being nitpicky or you're nagging.’ It's a space for discussion and negotiation, as well as creativity. Once you start drafting your contract, don't be scared to think outside the box. Catron and her partner, for example, have a section dedicated to leisure, complete with a game plan for monthly dates, and a written understanding that they both need and deserve alone time.” (Read entire article here.)
Critics note the conflict-causing potential of such “contracts,” and argue that such documents are likely to result in more arguments and a litigious approach to togetherness, as opposed to peace. They also question the motivation and expectations that would drive someone to insist on a relationship contract in the first place, noting that potential partners may see the request as a red flag. One law professor commented, “If you want an effective contract for governing your relationship, see an attorney about a prenuptial or post-nuptial agreement. That’s the only effective relationship contract I know of.”
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